Sunday, November 2, 2014
I have only interacted with Carol for four times in my life, but the news of her struggling with cancer and her eventually leaving us has been looming over me for the past weeks.
The first time I met Carol was on Thanksgiving Day in 2010, a couple of months after I first arrived at US. Even though I was invited, I felt nervous about being invited to an American family for a special dinner for the first time. On the way to their house, I was worrying what if my behavior or words would not be acceptable to American culture especially on this special occasion. However, as soon as I entered their house, Carol's kind smile and warm hug cleared my anxiety and made me feel comfortable immediately. I sat on the carpet with Jamie, her sister, and her two little nieces and played games, and discussed excitedly about books we have read, while Carol was preparing food. Sometimes she turned around and looked at us and chuckled because of our excitement and laughters. She's happy simply because we were happy and excited. The image of a grandma and mother with sheer joy stays in my mind even until now.
The second time I met her was on a Sunday during Spring 2011, at her church. She came to us as Jamie and I walked into the sanctuary. She said she was so excited that I could join, with her big smile on her face again. We sat together at the back row with Kimi and her family. I admired the unity of the big family in the Lord, and admired that Carol brought up her children and led them to Christ, and now her grandchildren. I saw a family bonded together by the life of Christ, a blissful family. If one day I have my own family I wish it would be like that.
The third time I met Carol was at a dinner at my apartment a few days before Christmas in 2012. She gave me a big hug when she entered the apartment and before she left. The thing that I liked most about her hug is that I feel it was real, not just out of being polite, but out of her heart. During the dinner, I learned more of her, for example, she grew up in California, and she liked journaling from a young age, etc. That night, I wished earnestly in my heart that she could be well and healthy completely.
This past September was the last time I saw Carol. She seemed to be weak, but as we visited her, she still tried to give each of us a hug. She was still smiling and joyful as usual. She talked about the spoons on the wall, her granddaughter won a reading competition at school, her wedding dress, Big Bang Theory, and asked Jamie to wash her cat. It seemed nothing was wrong, except that she's too weak to talk a lot. The thing that touched my heart most was that she still listened to bible mp3 and read bible with Jamie during these days. The Word of the Lord accompanied her during all her days, till the very last ones, with no complaints spoken. The visit to her strengthened my faith in Christ as well. Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, even sufferings and death. This is no longer a distant doctrine, but a vivid picture in front of me. As we were leaving, I almost fell off the stairs, and we all laughed, and she laughed like a baby and waved goodbye to me and said, come back anytime.
As I sat down and collect the only pieces of memories I have about her, tears welled up in my eyes. And I regret that I did not see her more during the past years. I cannot imagine the grief and mourning the family is suffering. Prayers for real comfort from the Lord.
